NEIGHBOURS -- Post Your Tales Here

SpikedLemonade

SpikedLemonade

Well-known member
I was thinking a couple of days ago of the various neighbours throughout my life -- the good, the bad and the ugly.

I thought it would be fun to create a thread where we can share funny, tragic and bizarre stories about neighbours we had or have.


 
First apartment after grad school, these two hideously obese women were fighting out in the courtyard over where their children learned their filthy language. It was like seeing a bad wreck on the interstate, you don't want to see it, but you can't help but look. The one woman said "you motherfucking bitch, there's a reason I don't let my god damn kids play with with my kids anymore, they never cursed before. I don't know where they learned all these fucking curse words. These were two 30+ year old 350+ lb women white women, so they started physically engaging and throwing punches and ripping off clothes and then I saw boob @SpikedLemonade, fat woman boob. The fat rolls and the boob Spiked, why couldn't I have been blind? Why did they have to torture my eyes like that. It was disgusting


Back when I was a grad student, I had Indians (dot com not feather) next door. The apartment walls were thin. Now don't get me wrong, curry and other spices smell amazing but please explain to me who cooks at 3 in the morning?

Speaking of smells, my last apartment before I bought my home, we had potheads in the apartment below me. The pot filled the air of the stairwell and these idiots liked playing loud music all night long. Its all good, I liked playing military marches and bagpipe music when I woke up at 6 AM to go to work. However, sometimes -especially after they partied most of the night- I'd be very forgetful and leave the music going until the battery in the laptop ran out. It was a newer laptop at the time so sometimes it would go on for several hours. The noise lesson was learned fairly quickly, only had to be taught 2 or 3 times, the pot? Well they never learned.

Ah I hated apartment living
 
You have seen the photos so you know I live on a corner lot.

The early 60's retired White Trash Mail Carrier single woman across the street in the front is THE KAREN **** of all KAREN KUNTS. I have dozens of stories about her and will post them slowly. Half a dozen postal workers told me how happy they were when she took early retirement. Her voice carries and makes nails scratching on a chalk board sound like an opera singer in comparison.

The 60+ Korean dude perpendicular from me really is only there one day a week to cut his grass since he has discovered that if he has a fat old White Woman as a girlfriend he can be treated as a King at her place and avoid wear and tear on his home. He is currently on the 4th of such women that I am aware of in the past 15 years. Good gig.

The late 60's or early 70's Croatian woman across the street on my side has triplets and when they were two years old found her husband dead in bed next to her. The triplets are now in their mid to late 30's and she will NOT allow them to lift a finger to help her. So I get to watch an old woman cut her grass by push gas lawn mower in the heat while her weight lifting son washes his car in her driveway.

The place next to me on the left is a two story rental and I could literally write a book about the current and past tenants.

More to come.....
 
current house: Like Spike I have a corner lot. House right next door had an elderly widow who finally went to assisted living a couple years back. The house is now a rental, 3 to 4 20 and 30 somethings live there. Weird thing is I don't know their names but I know their dog's name. They keep to themselves but seem nice enough. Then there's the older couple I've told you about. I mow their lawn for free and a couple times every summer a cold six pack of beer with a thank you letter always seems to materialize on my deck.

Then we have a neighbor who knew how to pick losers as tenants. Meth makers, a whore (no she got busted along with her pimp for prostitution, meth, and grand theft), and so he said fuck this shit and now illegally runs an Air B n B. I don't blame him, the fine is well below whatever he makes on a short term rental and the people who have been there over the past year or so keep quiet. Next to them are a section 8 family. Nice enough family. We talk shit during the playoffs but nice enough.

Then there's the MAGAsses. They're honestly the only people that scare me, well only one of them. Why Gibby? What does a MAGAsshole do that could scare you? Well, he's a turd. He has loud arguments with his girlfriend. Sometimes he beats her and last summer he shot at her. She has tons of self esteem issues and its probably because the bastard is the father of her children she won't press charges against him. My worst fear is one of these days I will come home and see police tape and an ambulance there. I hate that litte runt. She deserves so much better, no not me I have my own encyclopedia set of issues but she deserves far better than that little redneck butt nugget.
 
So..... I live in a cul-de-sac and we are close friends with a 2 neighbors one right next door and another one house in between. Another neighbor we are all friends with lives in the neighborhood. We all have kids and have lived here for at least 15 years. So all of our kids have grown up with each other. All the other neighbors are older but all great people. Very very lucky. One of the older gentlemen who lives alone likes to drink. When I mean drink he gets hammered. Every now and then I have to pick him up off the ground in his yard and help him get inside. So anyways I bust all the kids chops and they pick on me it's fun. We have to twin boys next door who are little nut jobs. They are hilarious and there dad is even funnier. Any ways one day one of the twins got humped by my Chihuahua mix breed dog. One of the other kids got it in video. My dog was so pleased that apparently he was sitting on my front porch afterwards smoking a cigarette. A lot of funny stupid stories. I have others .. I will share other that are more interesting.
 
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